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Apologies, but once again I am forced to ask…

… What the fuck!?!

Hi everybody and, unless you didn’t know, everyone who is more than a year younger than me is a douchbag. Oh you already knew that? Well did you also know that everyone who is more than a year younger than me also happen to be fucking each other?

Didn’t see that coming now did you?

The other day I saw two kids (who I guess were in year 8 {that’s 12-13 years old for my American viewers}) of opposite genders making out and, in passing, I muttered,

Jesus, why are all the year 8s making out etc.

To which the girl unglued herself and yelled,

Because I love him!

Mmmmmkay… You love him? Really? Well that’s fair enough if you do but… Really? At an age where it’s difficult to separate love from lust at the best of times, to tell someone that you love them is, at best, an unintentional lie and at worst, an outright deplorable travesty. It’s really not fair to toy with the hopes of the hopeful or the dreams of the dreamer or even the confusion of the utterly, utterly confused. Plus who, apart from 45 year old men who live amongst pictures of Miley Cyrus from when she started her career at 11 (is it sad that I know that?) wants to see two minors playing tonsil hockey? Not me. Certainly not me. Just… ew. I get enough of it at school thanks.

Finally, in the words of Kyle Broflovski (I’m working the South Park references recently) ‘You’ve got to live your life; have some fun! Then ruin it by having a serious relationship.’

I hope we’ve all learnt something today, children.

Schpöple! xx